This topic came up when my coach and I were talking about the concept of influence. One of the areas in my life that I feel like I have been lacking influence has been within my own business. When we dug a little deeper, I uncovered that it wasn’t my lack of influence over potential clients or within my marketing that was my issue - my difficulties and struggles are actually related to my inability to influence myself to embrace my business and give myself permission to be my own CEO, with my own personal, authentic traits.

That realization that my coach put in such a specific way – that I hadn’t given myself permission to be my own boss and the CEO of my own company – helped me realize that I was still allowing past belief systems and conditioning from previous roles control my actions and decisions in relation to my business. Even though I had left the corporate world behind to finally “do what I want”, I was still behaving like I had to prove myself as a woman working in a male-dominated field. I was still trying to “make it” under a “male CEO”. I was not embracing the fact that I had left that corporate world and that male-dominated field to trailblaze my own path. In my subconscious, I was still working for a corporation led by men!

The conditioning that led me to this point … 

Not only that - this conversation with my coach brought up an old memory to the surface – something that has been living “rent-free” in the back of my mind, as my coach reminded me.

The memory was of a male professor teaching in a class in my undergraduate years (a.k.a. roughly 18 years ago!). I believe it was my final year of my Bachelor of Science degree, when we were all preparing for interviews and joining the “real world” with our degrees in hand. The professor stood up at the front of the class talking to us about the levels of salary we could expect now that we have a degree, and how that may increase based on future education. The particular part of this discussion that stuck out in this memory was him explaining what the difference between an undergraduate salary, a master’s degree graduate salary, and a doctorate graduate salary. He ended the “teaching moment” with the comment “sorry ladies, but you’ll never make it to this top salary. The reality is you will never make as much as men in your field.”

I was appalled by this statement! I can remember firmly deciding in my mind that I would prove him wrong, and that I would easily start making six-figures without a doctorate degree and without being a man.

This obviously followed me, as I did go on to eventually complete my master’s degree in civil engineering. And I did pass that 6-figure mark in the corporate world, within an engineering team as a research and development scientist. I did it – I proved him wrong.

Yet, along the way, I was met with even more slights against my position as a woman in a male-dominated industry. Not always consciously by another person – but the conditioning was there regardless. For starters - even after completing my master’s degree in engineering, I was frequently told I couldn’t consider myself a “real” engineer, because I never did my undergraduate in engineering. I did it in science (insert appalled, disgusted face here). I also was faced with not being taken seriously in some scenarios because I never went on to get my PhD. I would frequently not feel “smart enough” when surrounded by people with PhD’s. Even though I finished my degrees with “distinction” or whatever they called it. On top of that, I typically was the one given the most responsibility in a lot of cases, because they knew I would figure it out and get it done. Challenges didn’t stop me or slow me down.

For years, basically since that third year in university undergrad, I have been fighting this feeling to be considered “good enough”, to deserve to be where I was – where I am. I have been constantly feeling the need to prove that I am worthy of my position and my role. For years, I have been fighting even my own intuition and going against the cycles of my personal experiences and phases of being a woman to “fit” into a male-dominated world. Not only in the corporate world – in my exercise, in my fitness, in my meal planning, in my professional development … This has limited my definition of success to focus on climbing a corporate ladder and being concerned with the letters behind my name and the words in my title.

By not understanding my own true worth, I have limited myself to rely on what others thought of me to tell me where my career should go, how I should develop myself, and what my career trajectory should look like. Thankfully, I didn’t stay stuck in that mentality, as I realized several years ago (shortly after my third son was born) that only I can truly decide where I want my career to go, but there was a time that I thought it wasn’t in my hands or that I wasn’t capable of making that kind of decision.

Not to mention – here I had thought I had left all of that behind me when I handed in my resignation. Only to realize LAST WEEK that the conditioning ran a lot deeper than I realized.

The Turning Point

During our weekly one-on-one last week, my coach – who is another amazing, strong woman that left the corporate world – helped me realize that by allowing this male CEO in my subconscious to rule my business, and by not giving myself permission to be my own boss, I was actually still working in that old corporate world – even though I’m not physically part of it anymore. Not only was I wasting precious energy and mental reserves on constantly trying to prove myself, but I also wasn’t fully embracing my business and my identity as an entrepreneur. I wasn’t making my business into something that I wanted to be involved in. I was making it conform to what I thought others would want to see it as – including the boring, corporate colors of black, white, and grey – similar colors that my old corporation was using in their brand! My business wasn’t a place where I was embracing my inner trailblazer. This was leading it to be a separate piece in my life that didn’t fit into my internal reality.

No wonder there was friction!

When I had that “aha” moment of still working for my corporate mindset, and still proving myself to a male-dominated world subconsciously, my eyes went wide. I looked around my office space, which is in my own home, and realized that it still looked almost exactly the same as it did when I worked in my corporate role. My desk acted like a barrier between me and the rest of my home, the rest of my life. It felt boring and bland. There was no color to it at all – it had all my degrees and certifications shown prominently on a shelf. No one even comes to my office to see them, so why do I give them such importance?

The Decision to "Fire the CEO" 

At the end of the coaching call, I made the commitment to “fire my CEO” and “hire” a new boss that better suited my authentic style. The process all started with ripping up my old, corporate looking business cards that labelled me as the founder and CEO of the company.

And I mean all of them.

I ripped up the contents of my box of business cards the instant I finished my coaching call. Ripping up the old business cards symbolized cutting that corporate mindset completely off. When I ripped each of them up, I envisioned the cutting of the cord that tied me to that version of me in the past.

That alone felt amazing.

Not only was I firing my CEO, but I was also cutting away that past version of myself that felt the need to conform and prove myself as an individual. I was ripping away that hurt and struggle. After that initial process, I have felt even more of myself letting go of that lack of confidence and lack of belief that I am worthy just as I am. I don’t need the certifications or the letters behind my name – I am valuable just as I am!

Then, over the following week before my next coaching session, I completely rebranded my website. I changed the colors of my brand to fun colors that pop out of the page, not conform to a standard. I changed my title from “founder and CEO” to simply “Work/Life Harmony Coach”. I also completely gutted my office. I moved my desk to a new location that now allows the entire room to feel open and engaging as soon as you walk into the front door. I added flowers, pictures, and decorations that I love, which I would have never display in a corporate setting before.

Embracing my New CEO Mindset 

My new attitude as the CEO of my business is one of fun, freedom, and inspiration. I am more engaged with my life as a whole – although I have my business to work on, I feel freer to go with the flow and cycles of my days, my weeks, and my seasons. When I need to be more focused on a particular project, I do that. When I need to be more focused on engaging with my kids, I do that. My boys are free to come into my office when they need me. I no longer feel like I am hunkered down in a battlement, hiding within the trenches. Now my business has a place that it fits in my life, and my life doesn’t have to conform to fit it.

I also bring more music and laughter into my business as a CEO! I am having more fun and embracing my true self by sharing these experiences and life lessons with the world. Instead of “workout breaks” or “professional development breaks”, I now have dance breaks and laughter breaks.

I have become one of those people that sit on park benches and watch the ducks!

Before firing my CEO, I was one of those people that would go for a “nature walk” before work, after dropping the kids off at school. However, these walks were not long, enjoyable ventures, they would be done quickly to get my heart pumping while listening to fast-paced music or a podcast about productivity and getting stuff done. Since I ripped up those business cards, I’ve instead been able to embrace a much more easy-going mentality and flow.

On days that I feel like a slow stroll by the duck pond, I do it! And some days, I remember seeing retirees that sit on the benches to watch the ducks. I recall always thinking – oh, I can’t wait until when I’m retired so I can do things like that. Why do we wait until retirement?

Corporate mindset reset!

I realized that I want to be one of those people! So, now, at least once a week, I sit on the bench by the duck pond and watch the ducks. I don’t put headphones on or earbuds in – instead I listen to the birds, talk to people that want to talk on their way by, and just listen to the world as it moves around me.

Screw waiting for retirement – who knows if it will ever come! I’m doing it now.

I still see others that are rushing their walk to complete that task for the day, and I remember being one of those people, but I’m so glad that I’m embracing this slower version of myself. Not only is it helping me enjoy my days more and giving me the freedom to go with the flow, I strongly believe it’s helping my creativity.

Watching those rushing by reminds me of another time when I was stressed over proving my worth. It was when smart watches with heart monitors first became really popular. For years, I would be obsessed with step count and getting enough time in the right heart rate zones each day. I became obsessed with ensuring I was meeting more than the minimum recommended after getting my first smart watch that monitored my heart rate. Did I mention – this was also the time that I had infants at home, going between maternity leave, return-to-work periods, napping schedules, feeding schedules, potty training … Like I didn’t have enough going on in my day, I had to add in proving that I could lose the baby weight fast and still run a 5K.

Having a baby wasn’t going to slow me down!

I really do believe that was the start of my health declining, as I would feel that “not good enough” on a daily basis if I didn’t make my step goal or get my heart rate up into that perfect zone for a long enough period. It didn’t matter if I only had 4 hours of sleep the night before because of a teething baby, or that I had to spend time in the hospital with a baby who was fighting croup the day before. No wonder even my relationship with food has become strained! Don’t get me started on calorie counting!

Shifting Values and Measures of Success 

I have come to realize that the number of dollars that my business makes in revenue or that I, in turn, pay myself in income, has no reflection on my personal value. Similarly, my lived experience has value in and of itself, and another’s opinion of my experience will not diminish nor increase that value. My experience and value belong entirely to myself, and another’s opinion belongs entirely to them. I have no right to influence their opinion, and they have no right to influence my lived experience and value.

Instead, I am choosing to view money as simply a vessel – a method for helping me spread my truth and my mission to others that could benefit from it. I see it as a means to spread the lessons and strategies that have helped me go from that stuck, unsure, struggling mom of three young boys under five into my confident, fun, laughing, and fulfilled self that I am today!

I am embracing freedom, fun, and laughter as my metrics of success! Of course, I also value growth and learning, which I strive to do every single day. However, I left the corporate world to have more freedom in my day. I didn’t want to have to stick to a strict schedule or attend a bunch of meetings every day that didn’t move the needle or bring value into my day. I wanted to embrace freedom in my calendar, giving me time to both help others on their quest to work/life harmony and fulfillment while also spending more time creating, writing, and having fun.

And I want this to extend into my personal and family life as well!

As a mom of three, I know that my kids are constantly watching and listening to what my husband and I are saying and doing with our lives. They are being molded and conditioned for their own belief systems when they are older. I don’t want them to think that the societal expectations of career and life are the only way to live.

Instead, I want them to be able to embrace their own sense of freedom, fun, and creativity in their lives, in whatever career they choose. Looking back, I know there would be ways that I could have incorporated these concepts into my old corporate role had I given myself the permission to do so. However, I had become too wrapped up in thinking I needed to prove myself and produce ever-increasing value to show that I was worthy of my title. I am fully responsible for putting myself in that position, for leading to that burnout, and I know that I could have changed it if I had the mindset shift that I do now. I hope to help my kids see that as they grow into their adult selves and begin to navigate the working world. As one of their role models – which I believe all moms are automatically assigned that role whether they know it or not – I strive to be the best version of myself on terms that make sense to me, based on my own personal values. I will show them that there is more than one way to be successful – there is no “one-size-fits-all” – and we can define our own success metrics. We are all deserving and all worthy just by being ourselves!

Of course, there will still be days that the old corporate mindset tries to sneak back in. Given that I was living with those thoughts and beliefs in my subconscious for so long, it will take time for me to completely clear them out. However, I have become more aware of the feeling in my body when those thoughts are creeping back in. There is a weight in my shoulders and on my chest that I feel slowly increasing as the thoughts begin to spiral. In order to help combat them, or even prevent them entirely, I am embracing more fun and laughter in my life.

I now have music playing in my home and office every single day. Not always every minute, but quite a bit more than it was before. When a really good song comes on, I stop what I’m working on to dance and sing along. Thankfully, I’ve also been blessed to marry a man that makes me laugh on a daily basis, so if I’m struggling at shaking the thoughts for myself, all I have to do is call him or walk into whatever room he’s in. I believe that by growing up around their dad doing that on a regular basis, my boys are also frequently making me laugh. If they are home from school, I can just go be in a room with them, and I’m guaranteed to start laughing or smiling at some point. I am so very blessed with my support system and my family that makes it easy to shake those negative thoughts.

The important piece here is that I know the triggers within my body that tell me when they are coming on so that I can proactively stop them before they can get a grip onto my thoughts and mindset. I have put together a list of habits and activities that I know will help me shift out of that mindset instantly. It is a game-changer to be aware of those things, so that you have a plan to combat them. Eventually, I’m sure my habits will even become routine and subconscious, helping rid me of that corporate mindset and conditioning all together.

I also have added a couple of questions to my morning routine! I journal every morning, and I include the odd prompt to help me prepare for my day. After firing my CEO, I have come up with more questions – also thanks to my coach for pushing me to do this. I now proactively think about something I can do that day that will be laughter and fun into my day. I also ask myself daily “What bold action as a Trailblazer will I do today?” These two questions are already massive shifts in my mindset on a daily basis! Morning routines that empower us are so important! As another wise and powerful woman said to me the other day – beginnings are powerful. It’s important to remember that every morning is a beginning – so how can we make our mornings an empowering beginning to our day?

Continuing to grow and shift … 

I can feel my confidence in myself growing, along with my happiness, on a daily basis. I was having moments of sheer happiness before I took this step, but they didn’t typically happen while I was working. Instead, it was usually a feeling that overtook me during quality time with my kids or during creativity “breaks”. However, since I have moved my office furniture around especially, I have felt my confidence going up. I am more excited about doing things and showing up as myself on social media, in social settings, or even just going to the grocery store. Since I’ve started working with my coach 7 weeks ago, my stress-eating and “down days” have become almost non-existent. Even my relationship with exercise and food has improved, even though we don’t really even talk about that part of my life!

I am always amazed how coaching in any area of your life, and improvement in one area of your life, has a rippling effect across your entire identity! Work/life harmony and embracing your whole self is so important, and it always amazes me how massive the shifts, both internal and external, are when you start to make small changes in one aspect of your life.

I am sure that things will continue to evolve as I grow even more confident and comfortable in my own skin, and as my authenticity grows in my business, morphing it to be a true extension of myself instead of simply something that I created to “fit in”.

Have you worked with a coach in any area of your life? I’d love to learn – what are some massive mindset shifts that they helped you identify and how did it change your daily activities?

If you have never worked with a coach, and you have questions, feel free to ask me in the comments! I’ll answer you as soon as I can.