Overcoming the Rollercoaster: Insights from a Challenging Week

Last week, life decided to throw a bit of a curveball at me. Our dog, Sam, has been living with aseptic meningitis since she turned approximately 4 months old. She is now 7 years old. There is always a worry in the back of our minds that eventually her medication might stop working. The vets that we’ve visited frequently comment on how surprised they are with her health – they have never seen a dog living daily on prednisone look and act like a normal, healthy dog.

Unfortunately, we periodically have episodes where that glow of health disappears completely. It all happens very quickly, just like it did last week. She had a relapse earlier this year already – the first one in three years. It was her typical relapse – waking me up in the middle of the night with a high fever, panting over my face, and zero interest in food and water.

If you’ve ever had a beagle, let alone a beagle on prednisone, you know that something’s wrong when they lose interest in food.

But last week was different. We had celebrated my 39^th birthday on the Friday before, so I really hadn’t been suspecting to be woken up in the early hours of the morning on Monday. Sam was panting and warm, but not a full-on fever like she would typically get during a relapse. We let her go outside and do her business, and then she came back, whining but ready for sleep.

A few hours of tossing and turning between her and I both, and the alarm went off for my husband to get up and ready for work. Sam was excited to get up and go for breakfast, but something was wrong. She was still warm, and still clearly uncomfortable, but she refused to go down the stairs. Something was going on with her back hips, and she was obviously in pain.

My gut told me something was happening with her meningitis. Even though the systems had changed, I just had this feeling that it was new symptoms, but old condition. We did what we always do during a relapse, increase her medication dose, follow the familiar pattern – two pills in the morning, two pills in the evening, one pill in the morning, one pill in the evening … So we got started, and I spent the day watching her close. She continued to eat, but not with the same fervor that she would normally. She would yelp when I picked her up, but she still wanted to move around. If she wanted on the couch, or to go outside, she would simply whine and look back at me to help her.

For the next two days, my mind was combatting flashbacks our first beagle’s final weeks. Zoey had been diagnosed with lymphoma shortly before her 11^th birthday. We were warned she would be lucky if she had 6 weeks of life left, but it was all over within 2. Zoey had still been fairly happy and acting like herself up until the last 24 hours. The only difference is that she would spend as much time as possible outside lying in the sun. I’m so grateful it happened in June, when we were starting to experience the first taste of summer. I remember watching her as she would soak in the rays – her face turned to face the sun with eyes closed. I remember wondering if the heat of the sun on her black fur helped melt some of the pain away.

Even now, the tears form just thinking about her. She was our first “baby” as a couple. She was there through every birth, every fight, and every change as we went from living in an apartment to moving into our first home. Then she was there when I found out I was pregnant with our oldest. Zoey sat with me while making decorations for our wedding, while breastfeeding at 2 am. It was hard to see her in pain and slowly letting go.

Now fast forward to last week – Sam has always been the opposite of Zoey. Where Zoey loved being outdoors – in the rain, in the snow, it didn’t matter – Sam prefers indoors, away from the bugs, the dirt, and any water. Not last week. Last week, she preferred being outside in the sun. She would roam the yard, slow and stiff, just like Zoey did in those last 2 weeks. She would eventually find a comfy spot in the grass and plop down, slowly turning her head to look at me. I shared the picture of her I took on Instagram as it broke my heart.

It felt like I was looking at Zoey all over again.

Typically, this is where I would shut down, both internally and externally. I have never been one that can handle pain and death well. When things are nearing the end for loved ones, most of my family stop what they are doing to call and check on me. I always felt some guilt in the past for that. After all, it is just as much a hard time for my family as it is for me. However, everyone first thinks “How is Keely handling this?” Maybe it’s a way to focus on something other than their own pain. Or maybe it’s a reflex since I’m the “baby of the family”. However, I believe age helps you cope with it a little bit better, even though it never gets easier.

A shutdown for me involves a few things. The first is always stress-eating. When I am dealing with so much pain internally, no matter what the external cause, the first thing I crave is food. My husband will say that I eat everything in sight during one of my “episodes”. I would also curl into a ball in my blankets on my bed (my “safe haven”) and binge watch movies or series on Netflix or Prime. My kids would sometimes come lay with me, but typically, my husband would take them out on bike rides or drives to “give mom some time”. I’ve always hated that this is what happens to me during stress, but it was comfortable. It was my default way of handling things.

To be honest – it is a default way of handling things on one side of my family as well. Although I don’t turn to alcohol, which also has a tendency to show itself in generations past, I do have the tendency to burrow and hide. However, this time was different. In fact, the last couple times where major external stress has hit our family, including the loss of my grandmother in November, I have not reacted in entirely the same way.

Last week definitely wasn’t any easier to when we lost Zoey. I thought for sure we were entering our last weeks with Sam, way too soon in our minds. It didn’t help that our vet, on that first day at least, was always busy and never called us back.

However, instead of shutting down, I took my time with her and let go of anything we “should” be doing that day. Instead of worrying about marketing or writing thousands of words, we took the days slow. If she wanted to lay on the couch, I would bring my laptop or book to sit beside her. If she wanted to go lay in the grass in the sunbeam, I would sit on the steps of the deck with my coffee and breathe in the sunbeams with her. I moved at a pace more aligned with her.

I also spent the slower time talking with my boys. Instead of hiding up in the bedroom with the dog, we stayed down and kept them involved with the process. I realized that one day we will have to say goodbye to Sam, and although they handled losing Zoey fairly well, they are all older now and more aware of what it means. They sat with her, careful in how they touched her, and showed her love. As a family, we embraced the slower pace she needed.

Thankfully, as the increased dose of her medicine kicked in, she slowly increased her pace. The pain seemed to subside, as she slowly took the odd step on the stairs by herself. First, only going up the stairs, and then eventually, she would go down without waiting for me to help her. By Friday morning, our Sam was back to 100% - in fact, I might even say she was 110%, as she was getting into mischief more than she normally would!

On Thursday, when Sam had reached about 90% her normal self, I had a session with my coach. We were talking about energy levels for my week, and we talked about how not only this weird, scary relapse happened with Sam, but I also had gone through my menstrual cycle, which always is a harder time (my gynecologist suspects I have both PCOS and endometriosis to some degree). However, my mental, emotional, and physical energies had remained at relatively high levels throughout both!

The month prior, during my previous cycle, we had talked energy, and I had a significantly lower rating – without the scare with Sam!

We both agreed, this seemed like some sort of breakthrough. Throughout the past 6 weeks, I’ve been practicing new habits and routines, and releasing old limiting beliefs (including firing my old CEO). I have also been going through the 28-Day Soul Coaching ® program with a group of wonderful ladies, which has helped me clear clutter not only from my home, but also from within my mind and heart.

Through all of this, I never would have expected the changes to my daily habits and shifts in mindset to help me so quickly. Although it was still a stressful experience, and not one I hope to relive any time soon, I appreciate that I was able to overcome it without fully shutting down. Of course, the urge to stress-eat did come up at one point. I didn’t ignore it, as I know ignoring my cravings tends to lead me to binging later. Instead, while craving to eat a large chunk of cake, instead of taking the large piece and eating until I was sick, I took a small piece with a large mug of tea. The tea helped me fill up, while the craving was helped by the cake.

Then, instead of returning to the kitchen to see what else I could make, I cuddled with Sam and wrote in my journal. I also ended up setting up an area for painting thanks to my 28-Day Soul Coaching® program, which allowed me to go spend some time painting when I was feeling overwhelmed. Now, I’m sure that many of my other routines and new practices have helped me along the way as well. I have been finding it easier to stay mindful and calm, no matter what life decides to throw my way.

I think all of these changes will be too much to share in one post, so instead I’ll break them up into multiple in the future. I’ll share some of my insights from working with my coach, from going through Soul Coaching (which I will be a certified practitioner of shortly!), as well as the strategies and habits that are helping me with stress eating, releasing self-limiting beliefs like my old corporate mindset, and more!

Thank you for reading. 😊 What habits have helped you during particularly stressful times?